ok, so ive been self-abusing nearly my whole life...i started when i was 8. im 32 now. i take 600 mg of lamictal a day for impulse control. ive relapsed over and over. but now something is different. i dont get the urges like i used to although i know when im getting triggered and would have cut in the past. i know DBT. i know all the other things i could do. and i feel empty. but i know cutting will only make me feel empty too. all i feel is empty. i think of butcher knives, scissors, razor blades all the time, every day. yet i know i wont use them. but i cant seem to get up and do anything productive either. i really feel like im in hell.