So yesterday I was writing in my journal about how I hate myself and everyone would be better off if I was dead. I was obsessing over how I want my husband to leave me because he can find someone better than me and I was convinced that I don't deserve love and I deserve to be tortured and punished for the horrible person that I am. I wrote about how I missed the old me and I don't know how to find her. After writing in my journal I preceded to go into my room and tell my husband that I want him to hate me and not forgive me for the things I have done to him and how he deserves someone better. After fighting his love for about an hour, literally convinced that I was evil, somehow I snapped out of it and had a good day for the rest of the day. Has anyone experienced something like this? Have you been so convinced of being this horrible, evil, unworthy person of any forgiveness and hating oneself that you truly believe this. I was convinced and never had such strong conviction. I just don't understand what to make of it or what to tell my pdoc tomorrow at my appt. Right now I know I was delusional yesterday...but it felt so real. I truly believed it to be truth and had accepted my fate of going to hell and such...Is this depression or something more extreme that is going on? I just don't understand. I am feeling like I am losing myself.