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I'm really delighted that you guys took the courage to post as, I too, am in the some position. I'm currently pursuing a PhD at a R1 institution in the Midwest. My work and productivity as suffered tremendously since the diagnosis. Prior to the Bipolar I diagnosis, I was a workaholic. I was single-mindedly focused on my research and I absolutely loved it. I'd work very long hours at the university often sleeping on the office floor and got an often lot done during that time. I was was very confident and outgoing, praising the life of the academy to others and myself and absolutely convinced that I would successfully earn a tenure-track job, as that was what a wanted at that time.
The Bipolar I diagnosis completely blew me out of the water. I was hospitalize five times this year alone and was forced to take a leave of absence for a semester. I was so delusional and scared that I even called my department stating that I no longer wanted to be in the program.
I have since recovered but only partially. I'm on a cocktail that is managing my symptoms fairly well and I haven't had a manic or psychotic episode since. The problem is that the fear of a relapse has completely paralyzed me. I no longer exert myself like I used to and question my confidence, afraid that I may once again becomes manic or psychotic. They say that stress should be removed from one's live who suffers from bipolar and I've definitely taking it to the extreme. All I do is sloth around the apartment, watching YouTube and Netflix while my dissertation is collecting dust.
As for your questions, I am of the belief that self-care is most important. I well know that I'm not as engaged as I once was, but I also know not to beat myself up, as my therapist says, because I'm still in the healing process. Dealing with Bipolar can be a traumatic event itself and oftentimes the body and psyche needs time to recover, especially if you are adapting to new medications.
As for leaving, I know a number of students in my department who have left. Some have returned, others have not. If your unsure as to what to do, I would take a leave of absence and find some kind of temporary work until you've reached a place where you can make a final decision as to whether you want to return. Getting a PhD is a difficult, stressful, and competitive process. This is particularly the case for Bipolar suffers. What is helped for me is having a strict regime of support in place. I attend a biweekly support group, see a therapist every week, see my doctor once month, try to get adequate sleep, and, of course, take my meds every night. If you don't have some kind of support structure in your life, I strongly encourage that you to get one in place.
In any event, I'm sorry about the long-winded response, but this is a really important topic and I want to thank xp1155 for bringing it up. Moreover, if anyone wants to discuss this issue further, feel free to PM me.
Take care and I wish all of you well
KeepingItREal
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