Quote:
Originally Posted by xp1155
Thanks, all.
I just don't understand why I made it through my Masters with minimal problems and now my PhD (with the same type of coursework) is proving difficult for me with Bipolar. Maybe because I am in a new city I hate (I don't feel safe)? New state? Without my boyfriend (who is moving in with me in a few months? Maybe because I was on quarters and I love quarters, but am now on semesters and I think semesters are too drawn out? I don't know. Also, I am on pills that control mania and not depression- so, maybe I need a new med combo? It's just tiring when I am trying to many meds and both being Bipolar and the new meds affect the quality of my work.
I am in a more professional degree; so I can work or teach with a PhD. I can work with a Masters, but always wanted a PhD and my students tell me I am a good teacher. I love teaching and I want to teach and contract myself out for work. I don't care about tenure.
My Mom thinks a PhD will someone validate my work more and my Dad is waiting on me to get a "real job," lol. My boyfriend says he will support me no matter what I choose to do. My field is "helping people" but it's less intense than, say, social work.
I think I chose the wrong program and the wrong city. I have dropped hints about being Bipolar and my professors don't seem to care. They all think I do good work (so far I've gotten an A and an A-... waiting on one more grade) and I know when I have the energy, I am "on it." However, when meds take away my mania or if I get in a depressed state, all bets are off.
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Well, I know exactly what you mean. When I'm doing well, I do really, really well and I'm very impressive. When I'm not doing well... then things go down the toilet so to speak.
I know that for me personally, any type of change can seriously disrupt my functioning. Routine is so important to me. Even small things that shouldn't effect me at all like "we had a book shelf here and now it is over there." That can completely change my ability to work. I don't know if it is a bipolar thing or just me. But moving to a new school, new town, new house, boyfriend not there, etc... that's a lot of changes and I know it would throw me off probably for several months.
Also, the number 1 thing I know about bipolar is even is people know, they don't care. They don't realize exactly how "disabling" it can be (you know, being a disability and all.) Most people think it is a fake thing, an easily ignored or gotten over thing, or the "illness of the hour" thing.