Yes, when growing up, but not now?

One of the hardest lessons I ever learned was that everything we want to do takes lots of practice to do well and you decide to try things at different times from other people.

My stepmother use to sometimes make me help make dinner when I was a young teen (1963-64ish) and often would give me the potatoes to peel. I was really awkward using the potato peeler; I'm left handed and the scrapers they had back then, the cheap ones, are not easy for anyone to use, much less a beginner and the scrapings would get caught and the peeler not work anymore, I'd "overshoot" and scrape my knuckles or gouge out pieces of potato, etc. it was just a miserable job for me. It did not help that my stepmother would feel I was too slow (and not much "help") and she'd pick up a paring knife and zip through skinning an entire potato in a quarter of the time it took me with the peeler.

So, fast forward 30+ years; guess who doesn't feel competent and hates peeling potatoes? However, my husband loves mashed potatoes So, occasionally, for love of him, I'd be there (mid-90's) peeling potatoes. One such long, frustrating session (and not like I'm peeling for a family of 4-5 anymore either, just the two of us!) I'm peeling, have my forearms resting on the sink, my back's aching and I'm not interested in standing anymore, etc. and it suddenly occurred to me that my stepmother was a master cook, had undoubtedly peeled hundreds of potatoes by the time I was 13 (1963-64), and I could peel potatoes more easily if I wanted, if I practiced!

Here I had been hating peeling potatoes because it showed how incompetent I was but it didn't show anything of the sort! It just showed that I hadn't peeled very many potatoes before, I was a beginning potato peeler (BPP :-)

Same for me with the make-up. No one showed me; one of my bridesmaids had to come and put my makeup on when I got married at age 39! I had bought something like $250 worth of makeup, thinking I would suddenly start wearing it? How???? Even though they sat me down in the specialty salon and "showed" me how; we think because we are adults and intellectually understand and see all those people around us our age, younger, and older doing something that we should be able to do it too! Right out of the box, no instruction needed? That's crazy!

Then there's the less obvious stuff. My mother died when I was 3 and my father remarried when I was 5. I have three older brothers and have a picture of myself, about age 2-3 where I look just like "one of the boys" Guess what, in high school I carried my books at my side (like a boy) instead of in front of my chest like the other girls did. Talk about embarrassed. I tried to change the habit many times but couldn't remember all the time and would suddenly notice I was carrying my books "wrong".

How about the fact that my stepmother made a great many of my clothes? She was an excellent seamstress too, but still, the clothes were homemade, had that quality about them, the fabric or hang wasn't quite right? One year she got into hat making and made me a fur hat the year (mid-1960's) they were in style but mine definitely wasn't! She was so proud of it too, it was one of my Christmas presents and here I was stuck in the middle; not wanting to hurt her feelings and not wanting to be caught dead in it

Your T can probably do lots of things you cannot and you can probably do things T cannot? It's all a matter of what you were/were not taught (and not being taught is not a bad thing! There are only so many things one can learn and if growing up is difficult as it is, learning some things other's seem to pick up can be like how some just naturally get good grades when we had to struggle in this or that subject?) or what you were interested in, when.

Keep practicing with the lipstick and wear it no matter how you like/dislike how you think you look! I remember when my T got her hair cut and I thoughtlessly commented on how I didn't like it as well as her "usual" cut? She instantly, almost eagerly, replied that she didn't either! So, when someone else likes/doesn't like something, remember that that is from where they are coming from and isn't related to whether you like/don't like something. Maybe say to a good girlfriend, "I don't like how this lipstick looks" or "I don't like this shade on me, what do you think?" and then have a discussion. Or, if you aren't thinking your lipstick is looking as well as another's, complement the other person and ask their secrets!

That's how we fit in; when we were in school we didn't really have those interests (for whatever reason) but now we may. I still remember when my stepmother started reading in her 60's and 70's! My father and I were great readers and she was wishing to be I guess (instead of such a doer; she was getting less able to do so much because of her age/physical limitations so what do you fill your time with? Why not try reading) and that was great. I was finally able to give her some of my favorite novels to try and she liked them too. So, instead of not getting along so well as we had when I was a teen, we had a lot more in common to discuss.