I relate. I have struggled to fit in all my life. Trying to keep up with my peers - but somehow never quite getting it right. I grew up on a farm, in a small property that was never 'nice', and my folks never had much money. Mum left when I was 12 or so, and after that I only saw her a couple times a week.

That Lady Gaga song (Born This Way) that starts "My mama told me when I was young, we were all born superstars, she rolled my hair, put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir..." << that actually UPSETS me. Because I never had that with my mum. She never treated me like a young woman, we never played dress up, she never taught me how to do my makeup -- and when I used to ask to try these things as a little girl, she would pull faces and say that makeup made little girls look like wh***s. Even clothes-wise, when I wanted to look nice she would declare that it wasn't 'a fashion parade.' I sometimes think, how could my mum not understand that her little girl wanted to look pretty?

When I started getting acne in highschool I'd spend what little money I had on makeup to cover it, and went through a real awkward phase of experimenting and getting the wrong colours, applying too much.. etc. Makeup became a necessary mask for me as my self esteem plummeted in those years. I focused a lot of energy on trying to get it right. Learning to be a REAL girl. I'm 26 now, and I'm still not sure I get it right. I still don't feel like a real girl/woman. I never mastered lipstick either - for whatever reason it just doesn't look right on me, whatever colour I use, lipliner, whatever - I too always feel too self conscious about it and have to blot it off. So, I focus on my eyes instead. (Rainbow, try looking for hypoallergenic makeup maybe? Maybe the natural mineral type?)

And mum? She still makes fun of the fact that I won't leave the house without a full face on, and that I won't go in the supermarket in my farm/scruffy clothes. She does wear some makeup, and her dress sense isn't so bad, although not really fashion-forward, but I still I can't get her to go and get a proper styled haircut or use hair straighteners. I guess my mum is kind of a tomboy, and I do wish that I'd have had more of a feminine role model growing up -- someone who would have enjoyed teaching me how to apply makeup, would have took me shopping for nice bras and things, to the hair salon, would have seen me starting to struggle with my weight and my skin and would have made an effort to do something about it. Just typical mother/daughter stuff. I feel like she abandoned me somewhat, let me flail around and get things wrong. Sometimes it's a kind of role reversal because she'll now ask ME for advice on some of this stuff.

Erm...I feel like I might've gone off-topic somewhat...?

ANYWAY! Thankfully my T isn't one of those ultra made-up types, because I think that would intimidate me - she's more naturally elegant I guess. She is feminine and classy and well presented, and sometimes: yes she has worn lipstick - which of course she can totally pull off - like a 'real' woman. (And I bet T wouldn't have let her daughter go to school with an orange face...)(OMG so does this mean it IS mommy transferance?! )