It's awesome...just awesome. It's been difficult, strange, amazing, thrilling, horrifying, and alot of other things. But, overall, it's been an amazing ride with an awesome outcome.

Some might call it integration. Personally, I don't understand that word. I call it "owning" my life. There was alot I didn't own before...some of it I was aware of, but alot of it I wasn't. It's all now mine. I own it all.

I have so much time during my days...time I've never experienced. So much is good, yet uncomfortable. I do feel that I'll adjust just fine.

Strange...once again I have to get used to my life. This time I'm kinda looking forward to it.

The traumas, emotions, thoughts and feelings that were compartmentalized and put away from me are now my own...all of me present and existing at one time. To be able to draw on so many aspects at the same time is awesome!!! For instance, if triggered by my mom before, that's all I could see or feel, and could dissociate. Now, I feel the trigger, but am able to remind myself of today and mom's illnesses, my status as an adult, I don't have to take it, etc....all those things at one time!

I'm not dealing so much inside myself that I now have time to "relax"...so much more productive. Being able to be totally present to experience life and my little man is a constant "shock" to me.

I've hesitated in writing this for a couple of reasons, but they both had to do with me. I'm still a little uncomfortable, hesitant and concerned if this is "the real deal" in holding all of me...together and at one time.

What an AMAZING ride...

Much love and respect,

KD