Thanks for all the great responses. They help me to see that I'm not so weird after all. I felt like deleting my thread at after I wrote it but I'm glad I didn't.

skysblue: I feel different too. That sounds less shameful than inferior. I don't care as much as I did when I was younger, but I still get triggered. These old tapes stay with us forever sometimes, it seems.

farmergirl: Your post almost makes me cry. I usually don't care and I am just myself (I mean,really! A grandma who worries about fitting in?), but those feelings followed me into adulthood and get triggered sometimes. I know it doesn't matter if I wear makeup or not but I don't like being different--still. Isn't it strange how we get physically older but those child parts are still there, acting like kids!? I'm talking about me, not you--and generalizing.

BR: Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry no one helped you when you needed it. No one helped me enough either. Growing up is hard the first time, and harder when we have to do it over again in therapy.

stumpy: I like your attitude. Like my H says: it's none of my business what others think of me. I forgot where that quote comes from. Yeah, makeup doesn't matter any more, but I feel "less than", not wearing it sometimes, especially when my T is. I'd be too scared to ask her to help me with it. I'm not afraid of her, but I don't think I could do that. I don't know. I sang to her, and I thought I would NEVER do that! Maybe I will bring some lipsticks to a session and see what happens. I probably could do that with her, on second thought.

Sophia: thank you. I wonder if she meant that I don't look my age, which I don't. I do think I look better with lipstick, when I do wear it.

Perna: your post is great! That's so funny; a BPP! Thank you for sharing so much about your life that is really helpful. I guess if I had worn lipstick every day as a teen I would know how to do it now. So obvious but I didn't think of it that way. I am a pretty good cook and I have a friend who is in her late 60's, recently remarried, who says "I don't cook, and I never did". It doesn't bother her at all! She could learn but doesn't want to. I don't know if I really want to learn to put on lipstick or not because even though it's Clinique, it seems to irritate me. So maybe I have to forget it except when we go out I feel like I have to wear it so I look like everyone else. It's not such a major deal, just embarrasses me.

just_some_girl: Oh, another post that almost makes me cry. I am so grateful for these responses from everyone!! Really and truly I felt so ashamed starting this thread!! I only use Clinique makeup which is hypoallergenic. Eye makeup bothers me. I have a lot of allergies and take pills and shots!! You're only 26, but you sound a lot older and you're not "just some girl". I think you're very special!

BR again: You're not hijacking! I'm glad what Perna wrote helped you.