I am a late 30s working woman with a husband and 2 kids. No problems with my family life.

I've worked with a male co-worker for the last 12 years that's leaving the company. He and I always got along well, but he recently went thru a big divorce around 2 years ago. We both got along well because we hate the corporate bs and all the soulless people we run across. I suppose me and him were sort of on the same wavelength at the workplace.

So he announced he was leaving and it really hit me hard. It just wasn't something like being sad that someone is leaving, but it felt a little bit more.

I try to self analyze myself, and it almost feels like I'm breaking up with a boyfriend. I know how horrible that sounds since I'm married, but that's how I am feeling.

When he was going thru his divorce, I will admit this for the first time, I felt like if there was a way we changed our life tracks when we were younger, maybe I would have ended up with him than my husband. I know that sounds terrible, and I really don't know why I thought that since my hubby and I are in a good relationship. I guess it may have been just something like a new opportunity or a new train of thought, but I embarrassingly admit I felt like this. Of course, I never acted out on those thoughts.

But why am I feeling somewhat obsessed with his leaving now? That thought about me and him somehow if the stars were aligned correctly being together now has come back into my mind. Maybe it's the sadness of him leaving the company, and maybe that's all it is, just a sense of loss of a friend, but it feels more than that. Is it because he's decided to take the brave step in starting over into a new career due to his post divorce world view and I feel like I'm stuck in the same unhappy work place? Or did I really have feelings for him more than just a work relationship.

So confused!!