We can update --- Go CareTaker Leo- I hope that your meeting will be productive.

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So the other night with my anger I think even though I tried to sort it out with what I wrote- I still turned it inwards to me- Had really bad thoughts and my mood drop considerably.

I earlier today felt like crap and mad at myself due to Boyfriend's Sister did pull through- I have a fax of the car insurance in the car for my court date in about 4 hours.
Anger in me -- it is hard to explain- I feel like a failure for getting so mad the other day.... It is like I am not sure what to learn from this cuz I can tetter totter on what is validated on how I feel, and also I tried best to not go out and play things in my head and tried best to catch it as happening. The only thing is -- I just need to stop playing things out in my head so far- which is hard to do for me. I am planner! and that is what planners do is think forward.
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Today my other anger is with work- I am angry that my SO and i work together and that basically he needs to start doing what he says he will be doing at least at work- I used my work personality tonight and was straight forward and matter of fact- he hates my work personality due to it is rather to the point and I can pull up things. BTW -Pull things up is in the sense on bring up procedures of the job and what i have been told what my duties are what someone said they would be doing. By the book -

I am sorry if our supervisor gets on him, but he knew well and good I was rather upset with this whole thing that came about tonight with a note that I am behind MONTHS on my work when i am not and he just either ignored the note that was at the desk or was completely oblivious of it-- I am trying to lean towards #2--

I have done my part- I took a box of paper work to her desk, wrote about a page email on explanation on what is going on as far as what I have been doing and if she is confused on some things this is what they are (cuz i added some notes on some things and explained why in the email) and just my part on what I thought what I was told to do... My boyfriend can explain his part, and I even left benefit of the doubt and said I will be talking to him about this matter due to I was told this this way now- and If i need to start going back to the old way of things, I will be. And how did she get part of the work when the rest of it is up here.... Sorry I am sure that last part is confrontational but it does make me wonder.

I already talked to my boyfriend tonight on this-

This whole thing along with other things (I am also mad that I work in an IT setting and the damn computer that we use the drivers are already failing- the monitor was not working when I came in- i swapped it out- and i eventually got it to work but i think a driver is failing),

And with this all I spent about 15 minutes crying in the closet at work after hitting the door and slamming it behind me cuz I was so upset and stressed out with work and with having to go to court and mad at myself.

I know that needs to be tamed down--- This year has gotten worse with going back to old ways of such hitting things and stuff..
be well all--- I wish i was better at this stuff,