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I have a drinking ritual and I absolutely hate it. In my head, it always seems like a brilliant idea, that I'll be happy, relaxed.. but once I start to fulfil this ritual (a bottle of wine on the porch) I end up feeling miserable, tired and drunk.. not in a jolly way either. I'm so used to this ritual from when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated, that it seems to have stuck even though it does nothing for me. I waste immense amounts of money on wine, and there's no point.. I don't even get happy drunk. There was a time when drinking sent me absolutely manic, but since starting Seroquel a month ago, this has since ceased.
Has anyone ever developed a drinking ritual that has found it hard to kick even on the road to recovery?
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“For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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