Froski, sorry you are having such a hard struggle. I would find a program and stick with it; maybe try the methadone but get a counselling program or group to go with it and quit trying to beat the system; the "system" doesn't care, is the brick wall you are banging your head against -- it only looks like you are beating it.

You have to face the painful feelings, dulling them with drugs, either legal or illegal is not the answer.