My ritual too included a bottle of wine, not a small one either. I didn't always finish it as it often put me to sleep. The first glass was always heavenly and I often felt creative, talkative, enthusiastic about things but from thence on it was just pure drinking to get blotto. Generally several large glasses would put me out. Then I would get up in the wee hours, put up the water for coffee, determined to make a fresh start but would inevitably instead reach for the remaining cupful of wine and drink it rapidly down. Sometimes this bought me a little more sleep but invariably, I wanted more. Since I was actively trying to quit drinking, I never had more than one bottle in the house at a time, so at that point I was screwed. Then the cycle of going out to buy another bottle began all over again.

You must find some way to break the cycle. Exercise, dance lessons, yoga class, anything to get you out of the house, the more vigorous the activity the better. The first few months will be the hardest but as your body recovers, so will your mind and your mind will be seeking the things that used to be yours until drinking obliterated them. Go gently on yourself at first, don't sweat it if you slip up, just keep reminding yourself that the madness has got to end at some point if you don't want to be condemned to misery for the remainder of your years.

You're already ahead of the game, now that you've recognized the problem. You also know the solution. Be pragmatic about it, don't make it into something it's not, some insurmountable problem. Nor should you take it lightly. Once you have some sobriety, you have a beachhead and can gain strength from your body's lessening dependence on alcohol.

We're all pulling for you. Good luck.