one thing that sticks out to me, crab, is - denial of diagnosis..this actually IS a symptom of bipolar! even if you come to accept the diagnosis, you're probably going to doubt it again. and again. and again. at least that's my experience.

so when you are diagnosed, even falsely, you cannot be undiagnosed, because doubting it is a denial? That sounds bit scary.

glad you got it sorted out crab.... and your fault or not, you have to live with it.... so isn't it better to be in power of your life without having to count on substances? (not saying with BP you are powerless, but you get what I mean).