Well, me and T talked yesterday and when I asked her if I should really do this - tell my story again, she replied that she thought it was a good idea given that I can't seem to shake it. I had decided not to go down that road but now I've changed my mind AGAIN.

So, tomorrow I begin. But unlike other 'tellings', this time I want to try to go slow and get in as much detail as possible. Other times telling parts of the story, I would get through it as quickly as possible because I just didn't want to face it. But now, I'm looking at the 'telling' as a surgery. If I do it correctly, maybe I can excise its power over me. idk - it's worth a try I guess. I hope to dedicate the next several sessions with T to do this job. I will ask T to keep me on track.

It's so strange to me that something that happened so long ago can still impact me. I've 'forgotten' my story many times but then it shows up unexpectedly and knocks me off my feet.