MissMousey, and welcome to the forums!
Meh. Personally, I've found "supposed to be" something I have to watch out for. Didn't really learn this till my 40's. And wow, did it take practice! I've observed that disappointment and feelings of inadequacy are directly proportional to expectations. And frankly, at this time of year, we are bombarded with "picture perfect" (to put it mildly). And life just doesn't work like that. So please try not to beat yourself up over it, ok? The absolute greatest experience you can give your son is time together. It's not in material things. Spending time together and just enjoying each other's company. Sure, it sounds cliche, but it's true. One of the Christmas things I enjoyed the most as a kid was driving around looking at Christmas lights (we didn't live close enough to walk anywhere, but as an adult with that option, it's even more enjoyable). Mind you, I grew up in my grandparents' house. There were presents for sure. BUT! I can barely remember a single one of them. But my memories of admiring the beauty of the tree, baking cookies, belting out the carols at Midnight Mass , followed by driving around looking at the lights (and therefore getting to stay up super late! Woohoo!) memories are some of the clearest (positive) memories of growing up.

I "get" the depression part of the equation. For sure. Sounds like the Christmas expectation thing is contributing mightily to that. Probably something worth examining at your appt.. Because any amount you can let that go can be helpful in lightening the mental load that is weighing you down. Depression is hard enough as it is. And I'm certainly not saying that getting up and doing stuff is easy (because boy can I relate to what you describe!), but it is a more do-able goal than battling crowds and the stress of subjecting yourself to the economic end of things any more than necessary.

Oh! And as far as other peoples' expectations? I've found that most people are relieved to have "permission" to scale back. It's extremely likely they feel overwhelmed too!

You are most assuredly NOT worthless!!!