I feel a little distressed... I had read something yesturday about Co-dependency, and even though it's not a "mental illness", it's definitely something I don't want to be. I remember reading about it and thinking how some of the stuff sounded like me, but to me it was just a "silly thing I found on the internet", and it didn't mean anything. But today, I was doing a paper in my french class where I was required to write a sentence for each word (ex: hockey team, pizza place, movie theater...) and use a superlative to describe which is the best or worst. (ex: the best pizza place is La Nova's.) When the teacher said she was going to do a survey tomorrow on our answers, I immediately got nervous, and when I heard people debating and talking about their favorites or which ones they hated, I freaked out inside. I couldn't stand the arguing, no matter how innocent.

A little while later, I made that connection to what I had read about co-dependency, and realized that I had acted exactly like that. When I thought about it, I noticed that I act VERY co-dependent all the time. This freaked me out though... if someone told me I was co-dependent, I don't know if I could handle that. I can't be told my thinking or logic is impaired. I can't have the only trust I have left, the trust in myself, taken away from me. What will I do if I can't even trust my own judgement?? I don't trust anyone else but my boyfriend, but another way I act co-dependent: I NEED to protect him, even if that means imploding on all my own problems, even if it means leaving him for his own sake (though I don't know if I could handle that, hey, I wouldn't have faith in myself anyway, so at least I would be doing him some good. And he would not have to be the one to abandon ME.) I would have no way to know what to do, no one to take care of me... just nothing. No trust in any decision or opinion. I could not handle that. I'm just really scared.

And another thing: I'm just asking. So if you think I'm wrong, don't beat me up about it. I'm just scared.