I'm having a bit of a rough time... I'm worried about my job, a little. I'm worried about me and my fiance. We finally admitted to each other that, yes, we do, in fact, have a messed up relationship. Things are coming to a head though, since he lost his job, and I've been working three to cover the bills while he figures out what he wants to do. Right now, he's doing some seasonal stuff that ends on Christmas. He's only been there a week, but I'm still adjusting to the new schedule. When he was working before, it was fairly regular, I was only working two jobs, everything was fine. My anxiety and depression were under control. When he was out of work for about 3 months, my anxiety got worse, but fairly manageable. He helped me with my morning routine to make sure I made it to work. Now he's at work when I have to get up and get ready, so I'm really struggling with my anxiety. Not to mention, I'm exhausted, so my ability to ground myself is decreasing. I've had to miss work a few times (different jobs, though). I rarely get a day off. I'm only working about 40 hours a week, but it's across usually 7 days instead of just 5, and it's usually broken up so that i work a couple hours in the morning and then a couple hours at night. I actually had to put a stop to my therapy until after christmas because it was to the point where I'd miss work the day after my therapy appointment because it was stirring up things I was trying to keep down just to get through the day....

I'm trying so hard to take things day by day. To not be too hard on my fiance. To keep the jobs that i hate. One job ends after Christmas (it was also seasonal). But I'm honestly not sure I can make it... It's getting to the point where I wish someone would crash into me while I"m driving to work.... My depression and anxiety are coming back, and I"m worried I'm not going to be successful in school. I think I've been projecting the feeling that I'm not doing enough onto my fiance (like I say to my parents "Everyone can see how much I'm doing, but to him I"m not doing enough" when I really think it's me thinking I"m not doing enough -- not him... Like I think I should be able to make it work every day no problem, regardless of how many hours I'm working).

Things just aren't good. And I don't want sympathy from my bosses. Its not helping... I just don't know what to do.... Some days feel okay.. but a lot of others just don't...

Sorry for my rambling whine. Today was a particularly bad day, and I'm feeling a little stuck and don't know which way to jump...