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I continued to do well until yesterday. Today has been so awful. I am in despair. Tears were rolling down my cheek as the dentist was filling my tooth. I was not in any pain from the dental work. I was in such bad shape mentally. I have never had this happen at the dentist's office before. Rarely is it that I am unable to control my tears in public.
I was offered a possible job assignment. If I accept it, it wouldn't start for weeks. So I have time to consider what to do. I don't believe I would succeed at this assignment. No, that is not the depression talking. I am developing physical ailments. Most problematic is tendinitis in at least two places in my right arm.
I am truly physically limited in what I can do. I hold my mug of tea in my left hand. I turn the steering wheel with my left hand. I put the computer mouse to the left of the keyboard. I am not left-handed.
The last time I vacuumed my apartment, I was so sore afterwards. I thought it would be temporary. Maybe it will get better. I rest it as much as I can. Doing anything seems to make it worse. The assignment would involve quite strenuous physical activity. I am emotionally devastated by this. Sorry, if I sound like a baby. I know that I am very much a baby, when many have ailments so much worse. The tendinitis has come and gone for years. This is the first time that it feels so incapacitating.
A sibling telephoned me a few nights ago and said mean things to me. Why don't people who don't like me just choose to not be bothered with me? I will not accept such phone calls anymore.
A neighbor invited me in for a taste of something special. Another neighbor was there, also. The second neighbor made a remark that basically ridiculed me for my problems with depression. I am a very good neighbor. I did not deserve to be denigrated. I will not even bother trying to maintain a friendly demeanor toward people who are deliberately mean to me. I think there is something about me that makes people think I am fair game to be disrespected. I used to try to counter that by intensifying my efforts at being nice. I think I need to take a different approach.
Surely, I will recover. I always do. I did get so much done while I was well. My place looks so clean and nice. I decorated nicely for Christmas. It is some solace to me.
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