help. i cannot bring myself to send out resumes. i don't know why.

i have messed up on interviews. people on my past jobs have been so cruel to me that i am suffering from PTSD. i need a new career but have no confidence and believe no one wants to hire me. took a course on medical billing and coding but don't think i want to do that. i've been out of work since july and am also very depressed and suffer from anxiety. it's going to be a sad christmas. i cannot seem to motivate myself at all. my old go to solution was to buy things to feel better but i can't do that now. i've been seeing a T 2-3 times per week. progress has been very slow. i have tried and tried but have lost hope - i've failed at everything. i don't know how much longer i can go on. i just don't want to try anymore.