Hi everyone, thanks for your support ... but all I've gotten is more bad news...

And its going to push me over the edge if I can't do anything about it... ^*#^#@*& I want to do it. All I am is hurt right now. What did I do to deserve it? This isn't whats supposed to happen. I know I'm not going to always get what I want, but I need it $!$%#!!

Turns out my aunt may not be coming out of the hospital, or getting off the respirator. This is too much right now...

And I was told by my father that my grandmother isn't going to take the news well. My grandmother is already old and sick, and this could (literally) kill her.

And my roomate, my wonderful roomate... she won't be back until at least next week, not tomorrow as was promised. I need her here, I need to know someone is here (physically) for me... Alone is bad. Keep trying to push these thoughts out of my head, but how much longer can I do it before I break?

On the bright side, or is it even a good thing... I made it to my allergist appointment and didn't cut... but now I don't have anything to stop me. #$@@!(&@)*^ I need a reason not to do it, and I can't even think of one.

I'm trying, so hard. Must keep it together, can't cry. Sisters and dad need me... must keep it together. So hard... so hard.

I think I just want to stay in bed for the next few days. But I can't. Nobody can know its so hard to deal right now, need to be there for everyone else. Only way I can feel worthwhile. I'm not, I deserve all the crap I get, but my family and friends and roomate don't deserve this... all they are are good people. Even the roomate.