I figured this is the best place for me to start I believe most of the issues I have now started from my less than perfect childhood. I really believe I have blocked the worst things out of my mind.

I have alot of anger issues. Although I dont get physically violent as my father did. I do one of two things I either supress the anger and Brood in silence as my husband calls it or I yell alot.

My earliest memory is of my dad and mom fighting over the kitchen floor not being clean enough he basically beat her then made her clean the entire floor with a tooth brush I'm not sure how old me and my twin brother was at the time but my dad made us sit on the couch and watch.

At this time my dad verbally abused me and my brother I was called stupid to lazy and anything else you can think of until i ran away at 16 never to return

My parents divorced when i was 9 and thats when I took my mothers place in the house. I cooked cleaned ect and if it wasn't perfect he beat us both. And if someone called child protective services my dad picked us up and we would move to another state.

My dad died a few years ago but before he died I forgave him and we were on good terms I believe he was the way he was because of his violent childhood and added drinking and drugs most of his life. He was a weak man and unable to break the abusive pattern from his parents to his kids.

I know Im skipping here to there but i just wanted to give a general idea i grew up in a verbal physical and sexaul (whole othe can of worms) abusive childhood. And believe the results of that is the reasoning maybe behind my anger.

I dont know the best way to decribe it but I go from happy laughing to extreme anger in a flash over something very simple and as i get older its getting worse. I try to control it and tell myself to calm down but i cant.

My husband is very understanding most times but it has caused problems with us and if I cant get it controlled I will lose him I am sure of it. I am so lost I have no idea

well thanks for listening will write more later

amanda