I really do understand the intensity of your fear and depression. I have been there. But, please don't hurt yourself!!

Please read my response to your post in the anxiety section.

The fear can be deafening ~ I know! And it's awfully tough to have any hope for the future when you're facing these intense emotions day after day. It is really hard...no doubt about it! You aren't alone ~ many of us here on PC have faced similar struggles, especially looking at the general concept of simply wanting to end our misery. Despite our misery, we push ourselves to keep going.

You can do this. Repeat that to yourself over and over and over again. Verbally ~ it works! Just keep reminding yourself how many times you've fought through these intense fears...and you're still here. You are okay despite the intense fear, and avoidance of eating. You will be okay. Say it over again. That'll help you get through the intense anxiety in the moment, which is exactly what you need to do & stop avoiding other things.