Your father is right, that nothing can compare to losing a child. I've faced many challenges and can attest to the accuracy personally. Although I carry him in my heart, and know that a piece of him will live inside me forever...I have memories...as much as I try to focus on the good ones...sadly I am constantly bombarded with PTSD and relive the fire, his death over and over. I've been working with a trauma specialist trying to get through it...but so far not so good. I have some good days, and I have some bad days...but lately I just feel depressed. I guess if you look at it over time...I am better today than I was 4 years ago...with regards to the grief at least...but I have serious doubts that I can ever be at peace. Partly because of a series of many crappy life experiences...and of course the challenges that being bipolar adds to the day to day struggles of muddling through this existence. I just wish I didn't feel so blah. I really want to see my son smiling over the holidays...and I feel like I suck the joy right out of him by being the way I am. Blah...thanks for listening.