Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo
Is the result of integration the same as not having DID? I listen to my therapist talk about how she thinks. It sounds one denominational. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that my thoughts have always been a collection of possibilities. It is not as simple as asking myself, do I want chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Because along with that initial thought comes in a volume of responses like, you can't have ice cream, yes I can, who's paying for it?, i don't know. how much do I have?, why are we having ice cream?, because I want to. And on and on and on. The more complicated the subject the more complicated the thoughts. It's exhausting.
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Like Crew said everyone experiences integration differently and for some people integration is the end of the healing road...
that said for me integration was at the beginning, middle and end of my healing... the mental health community here believe integration in the literal sense of the definition. that its the processes of healing no matter what you are healing from. example if you are healing through PTSD its the process of remembering the trauma, putting your feelings and memories together with the actual events, working through the denial, shock, and other emotions along with working through the flashbacks, panic attacks and nightmares that may be hindering your daily activities.
here it is believed with DID integration is the same thing - working through the denial of the disorder, working through and discovering the alters, working through what the alters share with you like those memories, emotions and events that are contained within the parts, working through the emotions and feelings like shock, denial and acceptance and putting together of what the alters have shared. and through this process the alters and host merge together in on whole person.
for me at times this process was scary, hard, and other times it was a wow moment of one minute perceiving the parts as being separate from me and having no access to what the alters held to suddenly realizing I know what this alter knows and I didnt even dissociate into this alter to have that ability because she was now with me as one whole person working together.
as the integration process happened it did get a bit scary because as each one integrated thats more memories and emotions I had access to, and the noise level inside went down (the alters didnt have to shout inside my head any more to be heard because they were merged together with me.) it is a very strange but yet welcome feeling at first to know everything just by thinking about things and knowing I would never be popping into alters going every which way again.
the best thing you can do is just take things one day at a time one step at a time. your treatment providers will help you through everything as it things come up for you.