Aww, honey ... You know he is toxic, and you know he is too sick to love you the right ways, and you know you have already given him too much of yourself. Talk to your (or find a) therapist, cut him out of your life (his issues and reactions are his and you are not responsible for his health or happiness, blahblahblah). You know all of this; otherwise you would not have posted here, yes? Get healthy, work on that self esteem of yours pronto, use this as a low point from which you can jump up and climb high. If I can find a healthy spouse after dozens of extremely dysfunctional romances, trust me, anyone can get healthy and find a good man. They are out there, but none will come to you if your door is closed ...