This is a long and very complicated story. I started dating this girl in 2007, we dated for a year and then moved in together. We lived together for two years but I felt like I was not happy because of many things that happened at the beginning of our relationship that I just couldn't get passed (now that I look back, some of them were really stupid). We ended up splitting after being together for over three years. We each got our own apartment but we decided to try to be best friends, so we did; but now I realize that we were having a relationship without having one. We would spend most of the time together, see each other every day, make plans together, do everything together! There was no physical contact or anything like that, but we were always sweet with each other. During this year, however, I fell in love with her again deeper than the first time, and I thought she felt the same way because she would always ask me to stay over at her house, she would hold my hand once in a while, she would text me telling me that she was thinking of me, would always tell me that I was her other half. I would try to give her space but she would always invite herself to come with me anywhere I would go. I became really attached to her and I was happy being with her all the time. I realize now that it was kind of unhealthy but I really love her so I was happy and I thought she was too, because she was the one that always wanted to be with me.

About a month and a half ago, she started acting very secretive with her phone, and wouldn't really want to hang out any more. I found out through facebook that she had met someone online and that they had started talking often. She would deny it at first but then after me being so persistent, she told me they had met and that they had already kissed. I was planning on asking her to get back with me after the holidays so this just killed me. I ended up telling her that I had fallen back in love with her and that based on her behavior, I thought that she was still in love with me as well. She said I had forced her to fall out of love and that she had found someone who she wanted to date. She said she felt trapped with me and I couldn't understand this because she was the one was would always invite herself anywhere I would go. She also told me that there was still hope for us. Slowly she started ignoring my text messages, didn't really want to see me any more and whenever I would see her she would be texting all the time. She completely changed. I felt betrayed by my best friend because I did consider her my best friend and I also got my heart broken by the same person. Since I was so used to her I started getting panic attacks, extreme anxiety, depression, could not sleep and so on. I begged her for a long time because she said that there was still hope for us, and even though she is already dating someone else, sometimes she still tells me the same thing. She says that she doesn't know what is going to happen in the future but what there will always be hope for us (whatever that means). I don't think she realizes what her words do to me because I am having a hard time moving on because of that hope she gives me.

So now, a month and a couple of weeks later, I still don't understand how she traded over four years of friendship and a relationship for someone seven years older than her that she just met online. I know we broke up one year ago and that it was all my fault, but we were still always together as if we hadn't. I love her with all my heart and I also treasure our friendship but I am very confused. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I do not know whether to stop talking to her to be able to forget about her or just to continue being her friend hoping that she will come back eventually. I am still depressed and very anxious, the doctor put me on Xanax and sleeping pills but I don't want to take them any more because they make me dizzy and nauseous. I know I need to stop talking to her and seeing her because that causes me anxiety, but I don't want to just disappear on her because I don't want her to feel ignored or that I don't care for her. Should I tell her that I need to stop seeing her? Any advice? I feel extremely sad and lonely.