learning the skill of setting healthy boundaries with others has allowed me a sense of security, self worth and assertiveness. i sometimes fall in the trap of "people pleasing" rather than "buck the system" but not often anymore. my using the "I" word has helped me imensely.
i hope this article may help others in a positive way. the ways to set healthy boundaries are listed. also pitfalls to avoid in order to have effective communication, etc.
Quote:
John Tsilimparis, Psychotherapist
The kind of separateness we are discussing here does not mean indifference or isolation from others, and it does not mean avoiding intimate relationships either. The power of separateness comes in the form of a human connectedness that values the treasured spaces that exist between us and others. When we are not striving for this identity, we are allowing for that "space" to be compromised, and we begin to lose ourselves. In other words, the power in the separateness lies in our ability to stay intellectually differentiated from others regarding ideas, thoughts and feelings and in our ability to stand alone amidst the chaos that surrounds us. And, when things get a little heated and there is conflict that puts that "space" in jeopardy, to learn how to hold that centeredness and stick to our guns without having to fire them.
However, for most people, it feels like a daunting task to alter their way of relating and begin defining personal boundaries, especially with family members for fear of disapproval and/or fear of abandonment. (my underlining)...
|
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-t...mindful-living
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
|