I saw a second Pdoc today and told her what happened a few days ago with me getting rather angry and hit the door and cried in a closet at my work

She told me that this sounds like a some what like a melt down----- i never viewed these type of things as melt downs--- We did not have enough time due to basically this was a follow up from the first pdoc i saw but this one I saw today was the new one--- she even said she wished the visit was longer, so do I. I did not get to ask what is the difference from the other night and the night that i got so enraged that I almost broke windows-- is that too a melt down in some sense?

We did talk about the night on my car accident- I felt more free since court is over to tell all with that night- It was not intentional but I felt like Stupid Happy High while driving- then bam, hit the sign in the fog- It was like i knew i was going too fast. And this drive was after getting rather angry and stabbing a box due to I cut it wrong and angry with not being able to find clean clothes that I thought were done... I did tell this Pdoc that all... She did not put much input with that- I have not told T this yet due to I saw her before court- and still at the time felt I could not be fully honest.. I am sorry.

i was telling my boyfriend of my appointment like i usually do; he agreed and asked -- well what have you seen them as?? I told him in a joking tone- umm emotional distress....

I just never saw them as melt downs. I guess that is due to when I was younger, granted I was on drugs at the times, I had cut myself, or thrown things.. I guess the hitting and slamming doors, and about to pick up rocks to bash in some windows is close to the throwing things-- I know one reason why I wanted to get into therapy was due to urges to either cut or go back to drugs were getting stronger as time goes on- still is (I saw this pdoc to start meds- she wants me think on the med she suggested due to I am just "cautious with meds" along with a part of me feels like a failure as I have said so many times in posts-- I am trying to work on not feeling that way- My boyfriend has from the start told me not to feel that way, and he will watch and talk with me)..

I wonder if I need to sign something with my T for my boyfriend to call her if things start happening the wrong way- I see T monday- I will write that question down-- He knows me better than they, and he gets me talking when I don't want to some times to resolve things (not push push talk talk but in his own special way, he gets me where I feel more comfortable).
Any ways that is off the subject-

But really-- like mini melt downs-- I see melt downs if I went and cut myself when younger, and started to break things.

sigh-- any thoughts?

Be well all- I know the stress lately has not been good- I don't enjoy the holidays fully -- I try! Reindeer Army with snowflakes lol