I am sorry for your loss. The Holiday's are never easy are they? I understand your struggle.
And I used the word party but it probably is misleading. There are only 3 maybe 4 of us on Christmas Eve and my kids really are the ones that pull me along. Once someone gets to laughing about something stupid, it just kinda grows. We have fun, but it is on a very small scale. I do not try to do anything grand. Just trying to enjoy now because it really is all we have.