You're not going crazy, I promise. I've had many similar reactions. I'm fighting my way back to normal and you can too. Hang in there!

I've felt like I was going crazy, unable to return back to myself, been terrified of drugs, feel like I'm watching myself, reasearch the crap out of stuff, think the same thing over and over and over and over and over....

You said you're having some good days. That's great! If you put some work into getting help and healing you can start having more and more of those good days.