......the failure?

...the enormous un-willingness that overtakes my survival instinct!

depression is like a permanent 'interview' with myself....and the only topic is WHY?

asking myself over and over whats wrong?

and....after a little bit....THATS what is wrong and I never get anywhere.

the words I hate the most are...the "nevers...the won'ts...the can'ts, unable, NO...not...not ever...can't...didn't ...wouldn't...not!"

the negative deflections of an otherwise functional human.

all anti-depressants just made me more depressed and ridiculously active at outer orbit behaviour.

I stay depressed to make sure I am prepared for anything bad!

feeling good is like a weapon backfiring on me...targeting all my vulnerabilities....with such

accuracy!

I don't know why I choose to HURT.....way before I need to...but I get upset so easily...it's not my fault

there is much sadness in life and the labyrinth of reality is aMAZEing enough to destroy any attempts I make at finding a path.

the mind is a spectacular mechanism...the soul defines how it operates,

what do I use to understand this connection?

something outside me?

yep...

just to hear that it's ok