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Guys, what do you think is happening here?
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I just want to start with the statement that I'm taking that as a request for Male input.
I think, supported by some quotes from your post that YOU are the problem.
The parts that I noticed were
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Originally Posted by want2shine
I learnt tonight that he talked about the usual 'not getting enough' banter with a colleague, obviously drunkenly at their xmas work do.
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I know that I have been guilty of the same but I feel less inclined these days because I want to fix issues with the person involved rather than 'talk' about it to others & not resolve anything even though I may feel better for a time.
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The first seems flippantly dismissive of what is, it seems to me, a fair concern that you should probably be talking about.
And in the second you admit that you have done the same thing, while you then go on to say that you feel "devalued" (the quotes simply indicate that the word is yours, they do not express an opinion of the term in context).
This looks hypocritical to my mind, you spend so much time saying how bad this is when he does it and yet don't seem to consider that he might view it the same way, or more likely that he views this as no big deal as you view the action when you take it.
The final thing I notice the passage where you talk about 'fixing issues', Resolving issues between you is of course a good thing and necessary for a good relationship, but it seems to me that in relation to the above that you are really trying is to 'fix' him, which is counter productive.
The good news is that this problem is a simple fix, you two need to talk, you need to listen to him and he needs to listen to you, then you need to work out a solution to your problems that is acceptable to both of you.
Good Day.