gulas offers a plan you might consider. Would work well for the right person--only you can decide whether that's you. The first thing I'd suggest is that you try to stay in the present. Stop thinking in terms of "never again" about anything. Think only in terms of today. Otherwise, you'll be too overwhelmed to do anything for yourself.

I was a functioning alcoholic for fifteen years while consuming between one & two fifths of scotch plus uncounted beer & other substances--not all alcoholic--daily. At the end I hit the wall, knowing I had to quit now or there would be no next time. I was so sick, though, that I was in the present--that sort of wrenching, projectile vomiting prevents thinking much about the future, which probably saved me. In the present, I just did what people told me to do. And they saved my life.

I started seizing, so I was kept in a drug-induced coma for three days. When I came to, I had lots of time to think, to ponder the future, and I wanted out. It was too late for an easy out, and slowly the program started to interest me a bit. That was 30 yrs ago.

I've relapsed once. Blew 12 yrs sobriety. At least I knew it was worth getting back.

That's my story. If it helps you any, I'm glad. If it doesn't ... well, I'm really sorry, & I wish I'd told it better. But it helps me every time I tell it. Reminds me how incredibly blessed I am. And that's true, by the way, even though I'll never be given painkillers again, till I'm on my deathbed. There's a directive to that effect on my medical record.

No, my doctor didn't put it there. I did. Every time I took a painkiller, the urge to drink was overwhelming. It just wasn't worth it. That's how much sobriety means to me. Yep. It's that good.

Roadrunner