The only thing that I think, and I do remember when you posted before about your secret stuff, is that I am sorry that you had to go through that when you were a kid. And I'm really sorry that confronting your history is so difficult, but you have shown really incredible bravery in sharing it here and with T. There is no grossness or hatefulness in you because of what your mother did to you. If there is grossness or hate at all, it resides with your mother, not you.

Nobody here sees any grossness or any quality that justifies hate here. And your T doesn't either. We see you as you are, a very sweet person who has a beautiful way of supporting others here.

Your feelings are normal and natural after what you've been through, they are the leftover effects of how you as a child felt. Shame is so primal for CSA survivors; it's like a coat we've been wearing for so long we don't even notice it.

I'm sure you've read the postings of other CSA survivors here. Have you ever thought that any of them were gross? Or deserving of hate? I'm sure you haven't. And that's because you see people as who they are, not as what has happened to them. And that's what we-- I'm not really intending to pretend I"m the voice of PC or anything-- but that's what people see. That's what your T sees. None of us are your mother, who had a vested interest in making you feel this way. But you can choose to see it differently, because she wasn't right, not by a long stretch.

Anne