I talked to my nurse today about my mood, and how I felt my medication was pretty ineffective at the moment (taking away all the crap that I'm dealing with anyway). I see my PDoc in 1 1/2 weeks so we can review the meds thing then. But she said to me that I need to put in the hard yards to become well. I realise that well enough- after 4 months in hospital last year I finally got my daughter back into my care towards t he end of last year and everything was going really well despite the major stressors that are always with me. But now, since I have sunk so far down ( ) I wonder how much I can really do. It is all very well in theory but when each day is a huge hurdle and putting one foot in front of the other is an effort I feel I need...something...a wonder drug?...a miracle...a hand lifting me up to where I can start putting my life (or what is left of it since the family is literally split in 2 now) in order. The one thing I do do for me is go to the gym. I have been going 3x a week for 30mins, but will increase it to 4 days as from next week. The 'endorphins' are not even there- I am doing it as I have become so unfit, lazy and overweight but although I work myself to the limit each session I do not come out feeling all good about myself. This is probably becoz I am so tired and know I have more to go and face. Like now. I need to get off here and sort the shopping out- I just remembered I bought ice-cream and its been sitting on the floor for the past few hours. I just needed to sit down here for a few minutes and type this stuff out and get it out of my system for now...