Hi folks,

I've noticed recently that my wife uses my name a lot. She will say my name at the front of her sentences - it feels so good.

Noticing this reminds me of the times (childhood and youth) when I didn't hear my name spoken. My parents would speak to me but not use my name. They used my brother's name but not mine.

I hadn't realised how deeply this had got to me, but in later years I always had a feeling of being cut when someone didn't use my name. It is especially bad if there are three of us, and a person uses the other person's name and not mine. This is one of my secret hurts. I realise that the pain comes from the early rejection, and the pattern of sibling rivalry I guess.

I'd like to know how other people feel about this stuff, and also I'd like to say that using another person's name is a gift which we can give or withhold. I try to use names whenever I can, as I feel it is respecting the other person. There are still times when people don't use my name, it's rare these days, but it still hits my weak spot every time!

Cheers, M