Since this is a public forum, very little here is truly private except for the Private Messaging. Anyone, member or not, can read in most of our forums without logging in. Search engines visit most of our forums (which is why we ask you to choose a username that won't be recognizable -- say, from other sites where you may have been a member). In general, when there's something I want to discuss that I don't want the whole world to know about, I find a way to discuss it privately, one on one.

To me, having locker-room conversations about how to deal with the opposite sex has always felt a bit like treating them as the enemy. I find I'm more comfortable talking to or with women than about them. I notice, too, that just talking about someone and not wanting them know what I'm saying, has a way of getting me thinking that they (or someone like them) might be listening, they wouldn't like what they'd hear, and anything they'd say back, even [Thanks] or [Hugs], would be less than friendly.

If someone were to advise me, "Tell her this...", that would work a lot better for me if it led me to notice that that actually was what I wanted to tell her. If it wasn't, and I was only saying it because one of my buddies had told me to or because I thought that was what I was supposed to say, I'd expect it to only tangle up the conversation (and the relationship) and make me doubt myself more.


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We have met the enemy and they are us.