I did have a wonderful session with T last night. I was kind of dissociative after I left, and totally peaceful, so I vegged out when I got home. I was foggy from the hypnotherapy.

So, he used hypnotherapy to help me create a safe place in my mind so I could go there whenever things became confusing, anxious, scared etc.

I have today off

He explained how a lot of feelings stem from fear, which is inbread in me because of the abuse (I added that part). But, what we are doing in therapy is like in chemisty, when you burn away the liquid, you are left with the basic element - which is fear. If I can have a safe place to go to when I need it, then it will help alleviate that fear and ease the other emotions that are causing a problem, as we continue with our other work (therapy stuff).

He also explained about the four basic emotions: sad,mad,glad,afraid. I internalize my feelings, I guess, I know I do - abuse issue. He has encouraged me to keep drawing (I'm a portrait artist) to use that as a way of expressing how I'm feeling at the time, as an outlet until we can develop better assertive communication and I can learn how to interact with people in a healthy way and not keep up these barriers all the time (trust issue).

Which brings me to my project today, which I'm hoping some of you can help me with. He said something about him being human????? What is is like/mean to be human? I never realized it until last night, that I don't consider myself to be part of the human race. (No, I'm not an alien, nor do I think that I am - not that there is anything wrong with that ) I mean, because of the things that happened to me, I have always felt like some kind of reject and not allowed to be "part of the human race". He says I am - go figure???

Okay, I'll take his word for it. But, that means I have to learn how to be a human. I have no idea where to start nor what it entails. Anyone have any ideas?

I really don't feel part of my body, I feel as though I am a spirit that drifts within this physical form. Maybe it comes from not wanting to accept what happened to me? I don't know.

You have all been so kind and wonderful and brought me to tears with your kindness during these last few difficult weeks. I could not have made it without all of your unconditional support and guidance and hugs and understanding. YOU ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING (TEARS OF HAPPINESS). May God always smile upon you!

SongBird