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Try & distract yourself as much as possible, as hard as it may be.. but if you haven't done anything for an extended amount of time, keep doing whatever you were doing during that time. I understand what those urges are like, and they can overwhelm you so easily.. I hope you keep safe & push through these feelings until you see your T.
Even if you do SI, it doesn't mean you've taken a step back, the healing process was never meant to be easy or quick. We can only do what we can to survive, whether it be good or bad.
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“For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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