I cannot enjoy anything, when people ask me what I do for fun I don’t know what to say. I always feel so much pressure from myself to perform. I constantly compare myself to others; I blow things out of proportion. If there is a girl I like and I see her talking with another guy I immediately tell myself everything that he does better than me and I force myself to stop liking the girl so I don’t get hurt when she starts dating another guy. Then the rest of the time I spend with the girl is uncomfortable and stressful. I start looking out for people saying bad things about me, I am able to take every little thing they say and spin it so that it is somehow is a bad thing. Then I get defensive and decide that in order to protect myself I need to hate them back. I am afraid to talk to people because I tell myself that no matter what I say will not be enough, that someone else could say it better. I am constantly on the lookout for something to blow up about, whether it is someone not looking at me the right way or handing me crumpled up dollar bills at the cash register. I can only focus on the negative things that are going on around me and I look right past the good in my life. My mind is so muddled with the anxieties and worries and irrational thoughts that it is hard to figure out what is really going on and what is just in my head.


Thanks for taking time to read,

Fight