I think the answer to this issue would be very clear to you if you had children. As a mom..it is your privelege to keep them safe and secure. Without 100% plus guarantee that your children would not be exposed to this man or anyone who supports this pervert I wold NOT bring children into this family. Children deserve your complete and total attention...and no one, not even a "grandfather" or a "father" with this man's record should be considered safe.

Do what degree would you risk your child? Allow them around a pitbull who seems friendly? Let them get in a car with a stranger because they seem nice? Leave them in the bathtub because you're just in the next room? Leave them unbuckled in the car because you;re just going a few miles? Leave them alone in the car becuase you;re just running into the store?

I severed ties with a) my real father who abandoned me at 2 and only resurfaced when he needed help as an elderly man (gambler, drinker, and assorted unsavory behavior) and b) stepdad who was definately unsafe to be around (overt sexual advances). I kept myself totally safe and secure with locked doors etc. until I was old enough to bolt and then I did. It was very very easy to become the mom I wanted to be for my future kids by knowing how they were going to be protected and treasured. These decisions were very easy for me...there was never any doubt that I would not FALL for a man who did not SUPPORT my values and ethics. I did not let men into my life who were not worthy of being a father to my kids.

Your husband's feelings for his dad puzzle me. Wanting to be with his "father" is something I don't relate to. If a perso nin your life is toxic to any loved ones...they are not worthy. Where is this loyalty coming from?