Dear sofragile, here we are again: I ache for you, for all the pain you suffer, as so many here do--and again there seems to be little we can do but offer commiseration & hugs.

I have to tell you, though, that your "mother" is a real piece of work. I'm a pretty peaceful person, truly I am, but when you write of what her rejection has done to you I feel like I wouldn't mind getting her & the doctor who got my mom addicted to prescription meds in the same room and reviewing the power of Peace vs the Punch. Kidding, maybe, but she doesn't deserve any kids.

I didn't deserve my mom. She loved me even when I broke her heart. She didn't always like me especially then (yeah, she said that), but she always loved me.

I know, sofragile, that that black hole will never go away. Your recovery through your work in therapy will bring you the knowledge that you didn't create that hole. Your mom made that choice, and it had nothing to do with you. When you realize that, you will have a major decision to make: Will you ever forgive her?

I wish you could read your posts through my eyes. You would know, then, why I'm sitting here at the computer trying to find the words that will give you a glimpse of the you I'm coming to know.


Roadrunner