Oh I'm sure psychiatrists have been called worse on this board.

I understand the sadness and the lonely feeling. It's okay that you feel that way. I know it feels bad, but it's not permanent.

Yes, you may cry in the shower (I always seem to cry in the shower too, don't ask me why!), but you haven't folded. You're still making it. You're doing it.

It *is* hard. Sometimes insanely hard, and not at all fair, but we do it - and keep on doing it.

I know you may have heard this 1000 times, but this time will pass. I will take too long to pass for sure, but it will.

Things will improve.

My only advice would be to try to put yourself in a position for things to improve more quickly.

I'll be honest with you, sometimes therapy helps when I'm depressed, but sometimes it doesn't. I would reach out to your therapist and get some advice nonetheless.

Also, to kind of snub the holidays, each year I make a concerted effort to find the absolute ugliest, tackiest decorations I can find. My house is filled with truly awful, but altogether hilarious, stuff. For me, that helps - a little levity in the dark. Usually they are quite cheap too!