Antoline, it sounds like many things are conspiring to make your life difficult. The family thing alone would be enough to make anyone go berserk. Loving someone of another faith, conversion, it's a big load to carry. And it sounds like you are at the moment poorly equipped to handle all this. The big questions are, is it worth jeopardizing your relationship with your family to marry outside the faith? And if you choose to do so regardless, can you live where you are currently and deal with the backlash, not only from your family but maybe also from the community?

Without knowing where you are geographically, it is hard to be more specific-and financially, it sounds as if you are in no position to move away, to put some distance between yourself and your family, even temporarily. But I think the first thing you must do is get some help with your depression-and this may mean putting your marriage plans on hold for a while. You won't be good to a new wife the way you are now-and until you find the right antidepressant (maybe difficult where you are?), you remain at risk for more suicide attempts.

The fact that you are in such a hurry to get re-married, despite all the obvious impediments, is a warning sign. I am aware that being a single man in some places carries with it some stigma but where will you be if you convert and the pressure of dealing with the repercussions of this become/remain too much to manage? You cannot go through with anything until you are on even ground again, with yourself. Tell your gf you need time and if she is a good one, she will understand. It seems foolish to rush into something and in your current state, it will be disastrous.