(((((((78))))))))) !!!! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!

What you wrote above caught my eye...I've had that fear too, when I've told specific details about my CSA. Like, this crappy thing was done to me, and now I'm basically doing it to him by making him listen to it. And I've had that fear when I've told him something about my sex life, or certain medical issues. I REALLY fear that when I talk about body memories. I really really get it.

But T is there FOR us to talk about this stuff. It's okay, and it's GOOD. Our body is simply our body...not bad, not something to be ashamed of.

Have you talked to T about the fear? I bet she could reassure you and help you put that fear to rest.

It sounds like you are working hard to take care of yourself and to reach out for support as well as you can. I'm glad you reached out here