"I don't isolate anymore so i could drink like i wanted to."

I never heard it phrased that way, Madisgram, but you just hit the nail on the head...we know our drinking is wrong, poisonous, perilous, fatal but our wrongheadedness, our twisted, sick thinking convinces us that we can isolate ourselves and somehow thereby avoid the shame of it. And of course the opposite happens, shame goes with us everywhere. Nicely put, thanks.