@TerryL no I don't know, but I can say this...I'm a twin & we were born 3 mnths premature. We were very sickly & I guess it was hard to take care of us, besides the fact my mom was depressed when she had us...so she did some things she shouldn't have like leaving us in the house crying while she went to go drink. Or when she carelessly put me in hot water (I don't even know the story of that, but I have the scar on my leg from it). Her & my dad had a mutual agreement that we go live with our great grandma. She ended up adopting us. I still don't know the entire "truth" of how & why we ended up there. I'm ok that I was adopted by my granny, but I'm not ok that she wasn't a part of my life. I'm not ok that she chose my oldest & youngest sisters to care for & not us. I'm not ok that even now she chooses not to develop a relationship with me. A part of me wishes I could stop feeling these feelings & just get over it, but the little girl in me needs her mom.

@Buttercup thanks for sharing love & I truly wish that I can receive your real life hug. Sorry you had to endure what you did with your mom. I was the black sheep between me & my twin...everyone liked her & not me. It seemed like no matter what I did wasn't good enough or right for my grandma. Even now with relationships that I was able to form, in some way every person has rejected & abandoned. I always did something wrong that drew a wedge between me & that person. So I can understand what you were saying. I'm happy for you that you realized that you are a good person. I'm happy that you were able to forgive & move on. Maybe one day...I can too. Thanks again, you're so sweet to me 8)