I posted this in DD but also want to share it with all of you because you also have supported me over the last week or so, when things have felt so grim:

I had a wonderful session with T last night. I went there in fear, dissociative, and feeling completely hopeless and a loss cause. When I left, I felt peaceful and hopeful - like walking through a meadow filled with wildflowers, wondering where the path would take me.

He used hypnotherapy to help me create a safe place in my mind so I could go there whenever things became confusing, anxious, scared, etc.

T explained how a lot of feelings stem from fear, which is deep seeded due to my past. But, what we are doing in therapy is like in chemistry, when you burn away the liquid, you are left with the basic element - which is fear. If I can have a safe place to go to when I need it, then it will help alleviate tht fear and ease the other emotions that are causing a problem, as we continue with our other therapy stuff.

He also explained aout the four basic emotions: sad, mad, glad, and afraid. I internalize my feelings, I guess - I don't know, abuse issues. He has encouraged me to keep drawing (I'm a portrait artist) to use that as a way of expressing how I'm feeling at the time, as an outlet until we can develop better assertive communication and I can learn how to interact with people in a healthy way and not keep up these barriers all the time (trust issue).

Which brings me to my next insight. He said something about being human?! I hadn't realized that I don't consider myself human (no, I'm not an alien - not that there is anything wrong with that ) But, I've never considered myself to be "part" of the human race and therefore not entitled to the benefits that other people have. I have always assumed that those rights were reserved for other people - not me. I don't "deserve" those things. Now, I'm beginning to wonder if I do have rights. Still thinking about it. But at least entertaining the possibility.

I wanted to share this with everyone because you have all been so supportive through this tough session over the last week and want you all to know, the sun does shine eventually, eventhough it's hard to imagine it when things are feeling grim.

Peace to you all,
SongBird