A girl does need her mom. It is a primal need and it is incredibly difficult to overcome that. I give credit to all the posters who were able to do that. But since your mom is still alive, you can still try to bridge the gap and find out the whole story. Do you think she would tell you her story if you asked her? You said she was depressed when she had you and your twin and there must be something behind that. I saw Jane Fonda in an interview one time and she had always felt unloved by her parents. When she understood that her mother had been sexually abused when she was younger, Jane was finally able to realize her mother not being able to show love to her was not Jane's fault. Jane had always blamed herself. She finally realized that her mother had been battling demons from her own past. With that new knowledge she was able to forgive her mother, and also shed the self-questioning she had done her whole life. I know you said your mom was able to show love to your other sibs, there must be a reason behind that. I really hope you will try to talk to her. or maybe ask your granny or some other family member who might know. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. (((Hugs)))